Let me start by saying that even though each of my individual articles is directed to one sex or the other, in this case to women, I am always aware of my responsibility to be an equal arbitrator to both.

 

That said, no matter what sex you are, and especially if you are my client, I’m going to give you the best advice to get you what you want in your relationships. And the cold hard facts are that to get what you want in any relationship you have to be in control. While this may sound rather harsh and anti-romantic, let me explain.

  

When you are in that dreamy state of bliss that comes from a new relationship, both you and your new love are most likely emotionally out of control and oblivious to anything past your next encounter.

  

In those magical and intoxicating initial days of courtship, when your brain is ecstatically floating around in your own personal fantasy land, it’s tough to face the fact that at some point you’ll have to re-awaken and determine how your relationship is going to function in the day-to-day grind we know as the real world.

  

Of course, the last thing you want to think about in the throws of your whirlwind romance is who’s going to control the relationship once the fairy dust wears off. But the sobering fact is that whoever snaps out of this dream state first (finally realizing it can’t go on forever, or who just gets scared of this untethered state of being), is usually also the person who re-gains control of their emotions first, and in turn, control of the relationship.

  

So why would you want control of a relationship anyway? Isn’t it better to set up an equal joint custody instead? 

Of course this sounds like a wonderful idea, but unfortunately things rarely turn out that way. For one thing, each person most likely has a different vision of how fast they want the relationship to proceed and where they want it to lead in the end.

  

So what does it mean to be in control of a relationship?  

Simply, that whoever controls the relationship usually gets most of what they want, and the one not in control usually ends up getting very little of what they really want.

 

The main benefit of being in control is that you get to dictate the direction and speed of where the relationship is going. If you think things are going too fast, you can slow things down a bit. If it’s going too slow, you can start pushing for more. Being in position to do this will greatly enhance your relationship “quality of life”.

 

So how do you go about gaining control? 

As stated earlier, you must sacrifice a bit of fantasy at the start of the relationship, get your head out of the clouds and set a realistic course for where, and how fast or slow, you want the relationship to go. Normally when two people first feel a connection, the tendency is to start rushing forward at full speed. Talking or texting back and forth several times a day, and going out 2-3 days a week, or even more.

 

Your objective is to basically take control early and slow things down, no matter how madly in love or in lust you are. This takes a lot of will-power, but it will pay off big time down the line. Yes, this does take some of the magic out of things, but you’ll find that your relationships will be much more enjoyable longer term by giving up a bit of the “gaga” factor at the beginning. 

  

One word of warning:

With this power also comes a great degree of responsibility. If you abuse this power by just feeding your own selfish agenda while ignoring the other person’s needs and wants, eventually you will probably have an uprising on your hands.This uprising will most likely result in constant battles and arguments, with one of you finally getting fed up with the situation and leaving.

  

The other result, which is probably even worse, is that you end up turning your once strong alpha guy into a clingy, submissive weenie who you eventually lose all respect for. At that point you will have no choice but to either drop his unassertive butt or cheat on him. Neither of which probably gets you what you want out of the relationship and your search begins again.

 

Please post your comments below and good luck

David C  

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Get the guidance and coaching you need to get all the men you want, or to just get that one guy you can’t seem to live without. Coaching rates and plans available for all financial situations.

 

For more dating and relationship advice, return to the  www.alphadater.com  home page.

This entry was posted on Monday, August 10th, 2009 at 3:38 pm and is filed under clingy guys, control of emotions, control the relationship, emotionally out of control, head out of the clouds, in lust, madly in love, needs and wants, new relationship, start of relationship, submissive weenie, whirlwind romance. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.