You meet a guy at some social event. You have a great conversation, he appears very interested in you, and you seem to have some chemistry going on. When its time to leave you exchange cell numbers and he says he’ll call you. Then you head home feeling confident that you will be hearing from him probably sooner than later.

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I recently received this email question.

David,

Regarding the C word, I haven’t met anyone too interested in talking about it.  Commitment is a dirty word in the world of 50-something daters (from my experience).  And I’m not talking about life-long or marriage.  I’m talking about “do you want to go on another date” commitment! I tend to exaggerate on that point a bit but not THAT much.  Men don’t want to get “stuck” in a committed relationship just in case something better comes along, even if it’s a one night stand.

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Mention a highly charged term like alpha female and a thousand different  meanings pop into people’s mind. Everything from the aggressive, ambitious, corporate female executive to “Fatal Attraction”.
 
So let me be clear. I’m not talking about Thelma and Louise here. I’m just talking about a woman who doesn’t sit passively by waiting for Mr Right to show up at her door. 
 
A woman at a party or social event who, instead of talking all night to some loser guy who’s latched on to her, approaches the hottest guy at the bar and starts a conversation.
 
A woman who, when in a relationship, doesn’t settle for disrespect or bad behavior from her partner, but tells him what she needs and expects to get it. Basically, the alpha females of the dating world go after what they want instead of accepting what they get.
 
Right about now I probably hear you saying, “But I just want to be myself, and being an alpha female is not who I am”. Or “Why should I do all the work? I only want a guy who thinks I’m worth chasing after”.
 
Ok, I hear you. I am all about the man taking the initiative and being the one to make the moves. But the world is changing and the old rules that men and women have lived by for the last 10,000 years are no longer valid, at least in the mind of a lot of guys.
 
Online dating, myspace, facebook, and twitter have blurred the lines of male/female interaction and have made it socially acceptable, and sometimes even expected, for women to be the aggressors, make the first move, and contact men.
 
There is also another problem to deal with. In the real world, many guys are intimidated by these newly empowered women and are afraid of making the first move themselves. Maybe they’ve been burned so many times in the past that they can’t take the idea of another rejection. Or maybe they just don’t know how to approach women, or know what to say to her when they do. So they end up doing nothing, and the women who want them to approach end up doing nothing as well.
 
Now there are a lot of good men out there, but sometimes to get the guy you want you need to help him get started. While women may think they are sending out all the obvious approach signals to guys, sometimes you just have to go after what you want. You can give him a big inviting smile and wave him over, approach him and make some off the cuff comment, or just simply say hi.
 
Once you get the ball rolling however, you need to step back a bit and see if he takes control. If after a reasonable amount of time you end up doing all the work to keep things going, then you need to move on and find a man who gets it. There are too many guys on the planet to waste your precious time babysitting some clueless guy through the whole dating ritual.
 
When you are in a relationship, being an alpha female is all about getting what you want. And the key to getting what you want is to be direct. Hints don’t work. A lot of women, for some reason, expect guys to know just what they want without having to say a word. Guess what, they don’t.
 
You need to tell them exactly what you want. And not just once, mind you, but over and over repeatedly until one day it finally sinks in. Alpha females understand this concept and are very tenacious about getting their needs and desires communicated and satisfied.
 
For many women, being a true alpha female is well outside their comfort zone, just like being an alpha male is difficult for many guys. But like it or not, these are the people who aggressively go after what they want, and more times than not they get it. Even if they don’t, they usually end up better off than if they hadn’t tried at all. And sometimes thats good enough.

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Let me start by saying that even though each of my individual articles is directed to one sex or the other, in this case to women, I am always aware of my responsibility to be an equal arbitrator to both.

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Online dating and social networking sites appear to be behind recent changes in the dating dynamic. Because it’s more socially acceptable for women to make the first move and initiate contact in the online world, it appears men are starting to expect the same behavior from women in the real world.

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All females loved being playful as children, and most all of them love being playful as adults even more. With this in mind, being playful with a woman you just met is a fun way to flirt and get her interested in you.

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The ultimate fantasy for many guys is that we all lived in a world where it was the woman who was expected to approach the guy in social situations. These guys imagine that transferring the “burden” of making the first move and risking rejection onto women would be the best thing that ever happened to them.

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While riding the train home from work today, I got to witness another case of a guy who had enough game to start a conversation with a hot, sexy woman, but not enough to close the deal and get her email or phone number.

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Listening to my favorite morning Chicago radio jock, Steve Dahl, a couple days ago, I heard him joking about some online dating sites that featured people whining, complaining, and venting about their failed relationships in order to get some kind of closure.    

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When people are tackling the laborious task of writing their online dating profile, they are painfully torn between the moral responsibility of telling the truth, and the overwhelming desire to present themselves in the most favorable light possible. The end result is usually a narrative that straddles these two goals in a way that gives the reader sort of a skewered view of reality.

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Because they seem to have no other relationship options, a countless number of guys will stay with a woman no matter how badly she treats him. 

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