When people are tackling the laborious task of writing their online dating profile, they are painfully torn between the moral responsibility of telling the truth, and the overwhelming desire to present themselves in the most favorable light possible. The end result is usually a narrative that straddles these two goals in a way that gives the reader sort of a skewered view of reality.

 

The only way to decode this language is to read between the lines, a skill at which most women are extremely proficient at. (Sometimes they are so proficient at this that they end up reading a whole lot more into things than are actually there, but that’s a subject for another article.)

 

To illustrate this, I have collected a few excerpts from some online dating profiles for us to examine to see if we can determine what women might infer from the words they use.

 

First let’s look at the relationship commitment issue.

 

Most women join an online dating site to find a serious, and hopefully long-term, relationship. I believe there are very few women who join an online dating website just to find some guy friend. Most attractive women already have more guy friends then they can shake a stick at. Below are a few excerpts from some male profiles on a popular dating website. See if you can hear what women are hearing:

 

Profile #1
I work as a bartender and wait tables; it gives me a chance to do other things that I want to. I’m looking for someone who can really hang with me. Weather its getting bombed at the local dive bar on Saturday night, or going to the movies on a weekday afternoon and pulling a double dip. (You know paying for one movie and sneaking into a second) More than anything else I’m just looking for someone to hang out with, someone new from outside my inner-circle. If you’re interested drop me a line. Age 27

 

My Take:
OK, this one wasn’t too hard. How inviting does this guy sound if you’re a woman looking for a serious relationship? Women will take one look at this profile and quickly gauge that this guy’s maturity level hasn’t progressed passed his college party days, and all he’s looking for is a new drinking buddy with some curves. Grade F

 

Profile #2
How would I would I describe myself? Well I am very easy going. So I am not looking for any drama. I love to have a good time. Have a lot of interests and enjoy trying new things. Basically trying to meet someone that likes to have fun, laugh, easy going, and who knows. That’s why I am checking out this website!

For fun: What do i do for fun?? I’ll put it this way; I just always like to have a good time. I do enjoy watching going to sporting events (BEARS). Also I enjoy going to dinner, heading for a night of drinks or even staying home and relaxing I consider fun. Age 34

 

My Take:
This one is not as blatant as the first guy, but the whole “easy-going, no drama” comment has the sound of a guy who really doesn’t want to deal with the ups and downs of a committed relationship just yet.

 

Then he says that his idea of a good time is eating dinner somewhere, going out drinking, or sitting home on the couch. WOOO!! What woman wouldn’t be clamoring to jump aboard this guy’s wild ride of thrills?

 

Add to this that he loves watching and going to football games, which puts images in most women’s heads of him out drinking and having fun with his friends while she sits home alone on a beautiful Sunday afternoon, and you have a woman’s dream relationship.

 

Based just on this profile excerpt alone, most women are probably going to take a pass on this guy, and instead look for someone who appears to actually be ready for a real relationship. Grade C-

 
Profile #3
While I eventually want to find a life-long partner, I’m not in any hurry and would welcome having fun with someone whose company I enjoy. Age 38

 

My Take:
Ok, this is another easy one. This guy is 38 years old, and he’s still saying he’s not in any hurry to enter into a serious relationship. I’m going to take a wild guess and say that this profile will receive exactly ZERO responses. F-

 
Profile #4
“Well…I’m having a great time in life…but I’m starting to think maybe it’s time for a partner in crime? Might not be so terrible.” Age 28

 
My Take:
Ok, on the surface this simple sounding statement doesn’t seem to be saying much. But, in fact, this statement says all the right things that most women want to hear. It sounds like he’s had his fun and sowed his oats, and now is ready to settle down and commit to a serious relationship with the right woman.

 

The last line, “Might not be so terrible”, is almost like throwing out a challenge for women to show him how wonderful a committed relationship could be.

 

I would say that this profile will get a ton of female responders, all anxious to show this guy just how happy they can make him. If I were you, I would steal this line for your own profile. A+

 

Profile #5
Well I guess I am just looking for somebody to get serious with. A lot of my friends are married, or about to be. So it is hard to meet new people and work does not help since I work in the trades and there is nothing but guys. I love my job and work hard so the weekends are the only times I get out. Really hard to meet people. Age 30

 

My Take:
This is a tough one. On one hand, this guy is being very blunt about wanting to find someone to get serious with. But unlike the last guy, who really seemed ready to settle down, It sounds like the main reason this guy wants to get serious with someone is not because he himself is ready to settle down, but because his friends are all getting married . This is not very re-assuring to women.

 

The one positive in this profile is him saying he works with only guys. Many women will find this appealing since they wouldn’t have to worry about him meeting another woman in the workplace. C+

 

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Below are a couple other profiles I came across that don’t really address the long-term relationship issue, but do send out some red flag signals that most women will hear loud and clear:

 

Profile #6
I am looking for an ambitious girl who will support me and push me to follow through with the goals I’ve set for myself. I am looking to do the same for her. I’m very goal-oriented, but like everyone else, occasionally I can use a push.

 

My Take:

On first read, this doesn’t sound too bad. But, what a woman is probably hearing is that this guy isn’t very self-motivated. As much as women say they like to be needed, in reality they don’t want the burden of motivating some guy before they even get started. Though maybe not a deal killer, it certainly throws up some red flags in a woman’s mind. Grade: C

 
Profile #7
Now, if you are emotionally unstable, unhappy with your life, looking for someone to be your father figure, can’t stand to be alone, unaffectionate or mean, chances are I dated you already so no thanks.Intolerance, close mindedness, neediness, and a few other “ness’s”. They are definitely traits that are deal breakers.

 

My Take:

While I guess this guy thinks he’s just narrowing his range of responses to women who don’t fall into the listed traits, even women who have none of these negative qualities are going to avoid this guy’s profile like the plague. This guy sounds like he’s extremely bitter and cynical about his past dating experiences. If he has had as many bad experiences as it sounds like, a woman has to be asking herself who has the real problem, all these women or him. Grade F-

 

The bottom line is that as much as people try to present themselves in the best possible light when writing their profile, the truth almost always shows through in the words and phrases they choose.

 

If you are not really interested in a serious relationship, most women will probably be able to read between the lines and not answer your profile. Like I said, most women on dating websites aren’t looking for a drinking buddy.

 

On the other hand, if you are interested in a serious relationship, just be forthright about what you want and why, and most likely you will get what you want in a response.

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For more dating and relationship advice, return to the  www.alphadater.com  home page. Good Luck and let me hear from you. David C 

This entry was posted on Tuesday, May 27th, 2008 at 9:11 am and is filed under alphadater, committed relationship, dating experiences, guy friends, inner circle, life-long partner, male profiles, moral responsibility, online dating profile, overwhelming desire, popular dating website, relationship commitment, settle down. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.